Monday, November 24, 2008

The big "C"

So our last normal weekend together- shot. Gary has an abcessed tooth and was miserable most of the weekend. We did manage dinner at Olive Garden after he sold some rims and tires to a guy by way of craigslist. On the way home we ended up driving past our exit and heading right up to the emergency room. Gary got an antibiotic and some pain pills and home we went. When he woke up Sunday morning he looked so darn cute. Gary didn't think so, but that one big chipmunk cheek just cracked me up. At least his pain had died down some.
I had to babysit so Gary just helped keep the house clean since my mom had been over most of the day saturday helping us get organized for the upcoming week of me being out of commission. Gary had to help my dad do another shitty job. One of his big horses colicked- and there was nothing to do but the humane thing. So Gary spent several hours helping my dad put the horse down, get it buried and the barn cleaned out. Not a fun day for anyone. That is two horses in about a month for dad. It was pretty sad, even though the horse he lost yesterday we believe was behind the broken leg the young one suffered earlier. Having pets sucks.
Today I am wrapping up a bunch of loose ends at work. Trying to get everything set up for my absence. Hopefully it will only be a couple days. But better to be safe than sorry. One thing that bites is I do all our bill paying online. We have no internet connection at home. So if this is the beginning of a long term bedrest I may have to do something about that. Hopefully I would at least be allowed to make the trip to the public library once a week if I am on bedrest. It is only about 5 minutes from our house and besides the books to keep me sane- they have internet access. I will honestly go nuts without being able to putz around on facebook, myspace, this blog and blogs of friends I keep up with.
I am getting nervous. While I have been counting down the days till my cerclage I can't believe it is actually almost here. Don't get me wrong- no second thoughts about it. I want the cerclage (like yesterday) and I know it is really the only option for me, but once it is done my complications become so much more real. Instead of saying I will have to take it easy, I will have to take it easy. I may even end up on bedrest right from the get go. It's kind of a crap shoot. I may end up sitting here at work unable to reach the keyboard around my gigantic baby belly. (which I am hoping for!) So- tommorow is the big day. Gary and I will be out the door at the crack of dawn. Gunner will be at Nana's house and hopefully around 10 am the new peanut will be sewed in nice and securly. Not to be seen other than via ultrasound until 37 weeks or so. Since we have no internet connection- updates will be few and far between for a week or so. Wish us luck- keep us in your prayers.

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Happy Birthday Gary

Tuesday was interesting. While battling a horribly painful back since Sunday there were some "new developments" after a bathroom break on Tuesday morning which freaked me out. (I will spare everyone the details) While for some people what I saw was completely normal during pregnancy for someone with an incompetent cervix it can mean the beginning of a changing cervix which is bad news. I called the doc and they wanted to see me just to be sure. Gary took the day off and went along.

Blood pressure good, weight down 1lb, cervix (are you ready for this) looks much better than it did 2 weeks ago according to the doctor! He was kind of puzzled about it actually. One of his thoughts was that there was more pressure from my bladder. So he had made a note that during my surgery if my cervix doesn't look "good" then he will fill my bladder up ( I will have a catheter for this) and then hopefully it will give him more cervix to work with. So not only did I not have anything wrong except for a sore back (they checked for all kinds of infections also) my cervix looked better which makes me feel a little relief. Now only 5 days till my cerclage!

On the way home I called mom to tell her what was going on and she mentioned that she and dad had a rough night also. Dad is diabetic and had another low blood sugar attack during the night. This one was so bad that mom had to call the ambulance because he was beginning to slip into a diabetic coma. The normal routine wasn't helping. Luckily by the time the ambulance showed up he was coming out of it, they just checked him over and said he seemed ok. So dad spent the day feeling really shitty which is what usually happens after one of his attacks. Mom is getting him set up to see the doctor since he has been having a bunch of low blood sugar attacks at night recently. Something in his medications needs to be adjusted.

Today is Gary's 32nd birthday. No big plans today. Our anniversary was Monday so this weekend we are going out to dinner and a movie. It may very well be the last time we go out until after the baby is born depending on how the cerclage surgery goes and my cervix behaves. My dear mom is coming over this weekend to help me get my house cleaned from top to bottom before my surgery.

Gunner is also excited because Mommy and Daddy only have to work one day next week. Little does he realize Mommy will be out of commission after that. We are not going to talk about the surgery with Gunner since when my mom mentioned surgery he flipped out. Gunner got all panicky and started to cry about not wanting mommy to have surgery. I figure telling him Mommy had to see the doctor should be enough for him. If we tell him Mommy might need some "pokeys" (shots) he gets terribly upset. Why force the issue. He is already overly protective and super careful around me because of "the baby".

Ironically since my back is feeling somewhat better, the pregnancy fairy decided that I should now be blessed with a sinus headache and bloody nose. If I think about it logically though I will most likely be pregnant at least 40 weeks, as horrible as I feel, I am sure with my luck I will feel this way for as long as possible. Which is ok.

Monday, November 17, 2008

13 weeks and counting

Well that I survived yesterday is nothing short of a miracle. As I was getting dressed after my shower I got a sudden intense pain in my lower back and from that point on the day went to pot. I could hardly stand up let alone breathe. Gary has put his back out numerous times, at least once a winter to be exact. Myself, I have had back aches and pains but nothing a hot shower or a long nap doesn't cure. Nothing helped this. Gary wanted to play chiropractor and adjust me, but I refused with tears and sobs of pain. I spent most of the day laying in bed. I know that lower back pain is often a sign of preterm labor but I am going with the fact that this was sudden and instant and am assuming I put it out. I also didn't have any other signs to be scared of, no contractions or bleeding so I am waiting to call the doctor's office this morning to see what they suggest. I do feel a great deal better this morning, but better than yesterday isn't saying much. I am secretly hoping the doctor's office wants to see me anyways just to check things out. I can't help be a worry wart. I have 8 days till my cerclage and then I hope I have a bit of confidence. Maybe then every ache and pain won't cause stress and anxiety on my part.

Today is also our Anniversary! We have been married for seven years. Although it's been over 15 years since we went on that first date. February 13, 1993! I was 14 years old- way too young to get involved in the realationship we started, but it worked out in the end. It's kind of weird to think that Gary has now been a part of my life longer than he wasn't. I was 14 when I met him and we have been together (off and on) for over 15. Weird stuff huh.

Friday, November 14, 2008

The blah's

Do you ever just wish you could take a nap that would last for say.. 6 months? Today is one of those days that I think I would have been better off staying in bed. I am exhausted, getting up to pee every hour and a half has that effect on you. I'm pissed off because my SIL is coming up to my inlaws this weekend, and my MIL has already told her I am pregnant even though we specifically asked her not to. In case you didn't know I despise my SIL. I can't seem to get along with my husband (which most of it goes back to the SIL issue today) and he has officially hung up on me twice today. If it wasn't for Gunner that six month nap would be the route I opted for.

It's Friday but I can't even get excited about that. I am at least not suffering from the "all day" sickness that has been my constant companion this pregnancy. My digestive system doesn't work right which makes me bloated, gassy and uncomfortable, which in turns makes me even more pissy. I can hardly wait for this afternoon. I think I am going to get Gunner and hole up in the house all weekend. Deer season is not a special occasion for pregnant women and small children. Most likely we won't have any company, they will all be in the woods. We have a ton of stuff to get done before winter really sets in, but once again, most of it will be left undone come Sunday night.

Wishing all you hunters a great weekend, don't shoot yourselves. On the bright side only 11 days till the cerclage, 3 days till our 7 year anniversary and 6 days until Gary is 32!

Monday, November 10, 2008

A sad morning

Well today is the anniversary of Jake's death. Jake was the world's most wonderful dog. Mom and Dad had to put him down two years ago today. For some reason my mother and I remember all these morbid dates! I still sometimes expect to see him rounding the corner as I step in Mom and Dad's house. Especially at night, if I walk in when it is dark, Jake always used to come into the kitchen "ruffing" and we had to say "Jake- it's me" to get him to quiet down.

To make a sad day worse, dad found one of his young horses down with a broken leg. Fire didn't come into the barn last night and dad just figured he was off being stubborn and left the door open for him. Dad didn't look for him until this morning. He found him down and struggling to get up. My dad while being a totaly hard butt on the outside is a complete softy for animals. He went out to take care of Fire himself instead of calling the vet, mostly for time reasons. It is by no means something that can be fixed and he is in pain. Dad feels completely guilty for him laying outside all night suffering because he didn't go find him so wants to get it over with as soon as he can. While some may not agree with shooting an animal it was the quickest way to end poor Fire's suffering. The worst part is not knowing how long he had been down and having no idea what happened. My first conclusion would be to blame Belle- the oldest, meanest horse dad has. Belle has a nasty habbit of kicking the shit out of all the other horses. I hope this will be the end of her reign as queen bitch on dad's farm. Although deep down in my heart I am hoping she wasn't the reason Fire broke his leg. Now Papa will have the heartache of explaining to Gunner that Fire is in heaven with Jesus. Gunner will be devastated, he loves all the horses!

While furry friend wise we are pretty sad, the human kids are doing well. Gunner spent some time yesterday with his friend Paige and her family, which gave him a break from being stuck inside since the weather was so yucky. It also gave me a break and a chance to hang out all day and catch up on the humungous pile of laundry we had going. It's amazing how much dirty laundry three people can create in a week. The gremlin I'm carrying is easing up a bit and I don't feel quite so sick all the time. I am actually having spurts of pigging out here and there. So far I have only lost weight but I do try to keep a close eye on it. I know I will have to gain some, but I want to keep it under control considering all the extra I already have.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

First Appt with the Doctor

Yesterday was my first real doctor appt. I had to be there at 4:00. I got there a few minutes early and got to wait, which was agonizing. Most people enjoy going to the doctor. I dread it. I wanted to see this peanut, I wanted to hear some good news. Well one out of two isn't bad. There is only one very active little gremlin in there. It is measuring 11 wks 6 days according to the ultrasound. (about 5 days ahead of schedule) Then there is the issue of my cervix. Once the doctor found it that is. It is always reassuring to hear the doctor say "you do have a cervix right?" While I realize that is just his sense of humor, it totally deflated any dreams of the realtively normal pregnancy I was hoping for.

My cervix is about 1/4 of the length of the average woman. He didn't give me a measurement, which I am thinking is good, just more to worry about. My cerclage date is November 25th. The doctor I saw yesterday placed the last cerclage and I am opting to have him do this one also. He doesn't seem too concerned, and also told me that it is way too soon to be worried. He won't do a cerclage till 14 weeks but is happy that I want mine as soon as I am 14 weeks. He also told me that the baby doesn't put pressure on the cervix till somewhere between 16 and 18 weeks so there is no reason to do it sooner. As he put it, "incompetent cervix" is not an issue before the 2nd trimester. He also mentioned that the biggest issue with a short cervix is infection. Which was a problem for me last time, but again, the membranes had been exposed before they did the emergency cerclage so it was a totally different ball game back then. All in all he was very positive and upbeat, I guess I just have to be the same. I have to beat my inner demon who is a real pessimistic SOB.

Gary has already put in for the time off work, and even though no one is supposed to have time off before the holiday at his work, this qualifies as FMLA and he will not get any hassel about it. So he is geeked that he will get to be off from the 25th till Dec. 1st. I am worried I will want to kill him in that amount of time. It will be a good crash course for him with Gunner. Hopefully we won't have to ever get used to me on a long term bedrest.

I also have come to the conclusion that I am not worried about making it through my whole pregnancy without bedrest any longer. I was really hoping I could do that to make things easier for everyone at work. I hate being the reason for inconvience. I didn't want Kelly( who I really like!) to be overloaded with tons of stuff or them to have to hire a temp. Right now, if I make it through this semester without bedrest (which would be the month after my cerclage) I will be pretty happy. My focus has to be on this baby, not about making things easier for everyone at work. Guess that is the one fabulous thing about belonging to the union here at Ferris. And today is officially my one year anniversary here at Ferris. That means it's official- I'd have to do something outlandishly stupid to get fired or let go. The FMLA covers me completely for this pregnancy now too!

Another good thing about my cerclage date is my best friend who is a labor and delivery nurse at the hospital we go to will be working that day. She can check in on me and be the one to keep an eye on the baby before and after! So not only will I be worried, she gets to worry too! I actually feel bad for her, knowing everything she does, seeing all the things she sees and having to deal with me going through it must stress her out. Gunner about killed her last time. She didn't let on how upset and worried she was last time until after we were out of the woods. Must be I was too messed up on the drugs to realize how bad she looked each time she came into my room. I was totally oblivious to her being upset.

Gunner was super excited about seeing the pictures of his baby! He looks them all over and tells us what is in each shot. He also pulled a couple more names out of his butt yesterday. Calvin for a boy and Pissant for a girl. He gets the Pissant from his Papa. (yup sounds just like it is spelled: Piss- ant) My dad has always had these messed up nicknames for us kids. I was his Pissant when I was little. I guess you have to know my dad to understand his terms of endearment.

I aslo spent some time at the funeral home yesterday. My Aunt Kathy died last weekend and her funeral was yesterday. While I didn't attend the funeral since it was at the same time as my doctor appointment, I did stop at the funeral home on my way to the doctor. My cousins all seem to be doing ok. What is sucky is that my Aunt just buried my oldest cousin a couple months ago. So the family has lost a sister and a mother all in a short time. Personally I was not overly emmotional since I am not close with that side of the family. But I feel bad for everyone and my heart hurts for my dad. Mom said he had a real hard time with it yesterday. She wished I could have been there, but seeing my dad cry is not something I want to do.

So that is the update. If I can figure out the scanner maybe I can scan the ultrasound pictures for everyone to see. Don't hold your breath though, I'm not very computer savy. Keep praying for this peanut! We have a long road to ahead of us.