10 weeks and counting

So, today I am officially 1/4 of the way through my pregnancy. It's been a rough quarter. I feel like hell most of the time. There will be little glimmers of normalcy here and there, just enough to remind me that I will survive this thing. The worst part is I am just getting going. Maybe it was because I felt so wonderful when I pregnant for Gunner that I am having a hard time dealing with being sick. And maybe I just forgot how bad I felt the last time because everything that happened after 20 weeks was way worse than a little nausea. Or maybe it has something to do with the fact that I am almost 5 years older? Whatever it is, I am a wimp!

Since it was cold and rainy all weekend, nothing got accomplished. Gary did get the second dresser moved out of Gunner's room and into the garage. Gary and I are moving our room which is currently upstairs, into what used to be Gunner's toyroom. So I had to rearrange his furniture and put quite a few toys in his room. The toyroom closet which we could barely open the door to, is clean and awaiting our clothing from upstairs. (Ok most of it is on the couch since I never take care of it.) Why are we moving? The stairs. Once I get a cerclage I will more than likely be told to avoid the stairs. Depends on how things go, stairs may be completely off limits. And if you know me, and how graceful I can be, there is no reason to tempt fate by climbing my big pregnant self up and down the stairs several times a day.

I am also hoping since I will be right next to Gunner's room now that I can break his habbit of wetting his pull-up at night. I'm thinking that on one or more of my many trips to the bathroom at night, I will drag the little guy with me and make him use the bathroom to get him into the habbit of not sleeping through the urge to pee. And then maybe I will be able to get him to go back to sleep in his own bed instead of coming into mine after he wakes up once he is already wet.

That's about it. Nothing overly exciting to report. Gunner is getting geared up for Halloween on Friday. Gary has the day off so he can go to his class party and go with us trick-or treating that night. On Thursday I go to see the nurse for my first OB visit. That will be extremely disappointing. Most likely it will be lets talk about how you are feeling, take your vitamins, watch your weight, how did you last pregnancy go, here are some handouts, see you next time.

Little bit better!

Ok- so I am actually feeling human today! Then again it almost scares me when I feel good- it gives me this false sense that there is nothing wrong with me... and then wait a minute- I'm pregnant and pregnant for me isn't exactly normal, routine or easy. At least I am feeling like I can survive the next 7 or 8 months.

Tonight I get to go watch Jennie Kizer play basketball! I saw a few minutes of her game on Monday and she has so much potential! I can't believe that the beautiful young woman running up and down the court with the long blonde hair is the same little baby I used to snatch up after college classes and nap with. The adorable toddler we loved to mimic as she pronounced words. Jennie is by far the best player on her team, and even though she is only in 7th grade, I can imagine how good she will be in a few years. Gunner is at Grandmy's house and being the mean mom that I am, I am going to leave him there till after the game! Grandmy was planning on him staying late anyways.

Lots of family drama. Mom told me Sunday that my brother and his wife are getting a divorce. Am I surprised? No. I do feel horrible for my nephew Trevor, the poor little guy is going to go through some really rough times in the future. Hopefully his parents can at least be mature about the split. Who knows, maybe my brother will make appearances on the holidays now that he won't constantly be at his in-laws for the whole holiday. But will that be a good thing? Who knows. Honestly I don't care. It may make mom and dad happy, so I guess I will have to be a good sport and put on that smile for longer.

My Aunt Kathy has terminal cancer. She is my dad's sister. Again I feel bad for her and her children, but I am not devestated by it. I have never been close with any of my dad's side of the family. There has never been anything but drama, drama and more drama from any of them. That is when they are not in prison. With the exception of my cousin Julie who I have recently gotten in contact with through myspace and I think my cousin Marilyn may be another one who finally has it together also. There are a lot of decisions to be made now. The family has to decide what to do since she is currently on a respirator and in a coma like state. This also leaves the subject of my crazy grandmother. I am not being cold hearted (like Grandma always has been) Grandma has alzheimers and is in really bad shape. Up until now Aunt Kathy has been taking care of Grandma, now the only one left to step up to the plate is Uncle Paul. My parents took their turn of over 3 years and it almost killed my mother. Litterally. My dad is all for a nursing home since in reality, it is where she needs to be. Everyone else has fought that call from day one. My guess would be they don't want all of her money spent. That is what it usually boils down to with them. We will see what the next few weeks brings. I am just praying all the stress doesn't kill my dad with a stroke or heart attack. I will be superbly pissed if that happens, and believe me each and every family member will know it.

Well I made it through another weekend, barely. I honestly feel like crap. My stomach is a mess! I am not sick enough to throw up, just to feel rotten pretty much the whole day. My bowels, either work too much or not enough, no where in betweeen and I am very uncomfortable. I feel so bloated I think if you picked my with a pin I would fly around the room making a whizzing noise like a balloon. I am exhausted. I can't get enough sleep these days. And I am only 9 weeks pregnant. I have at least (thinking positively) 28 weeks to go.

A lot of my discomfort is self inflicted. I let worry and stress get the better of me and I shouldn't. I guess it is time to stop caring about anything but a healthy baby. I am a ball of confusion. As horrible as I feel I wonder how I could possibly make it another 28 weeks. The worst part is waiting to see the doc. I want to know now what my cervix looks like. I want to see an ultrasound now. I want to prove there is only one baby, NOW! I have never been a patient person. Guess Gunner got that one from me.

If your reading this, keep the gremlin in your prayers. I pray daily for the the health of this child and the strength to keep on smiling when I feel so blasted miserable.

Attack of the Gremlin

So for everyone out there, "gremlin" is our term for this creature growing inside of me. Last week the gremlin made life pretty miserable for me. Well, maybe it was the gremlin and a touch of the flu. I got a flu shot early last week and felt like someone ran me over with a bus for the remainder of the week. I was sicker than all get out and was really worried about facing several more weeks or months of feeling that bad. I also had a lot of belly aches and pains. Which may seem normal, but for someone who is worried about carrying a pregnancy to term, aches and pains set off all kinds of mental alarms.

Nothing really exciting in gremlin land- still to early for anything really cool. Today the gremlin decided that Chineese food is not on the list of acceptable things to eat. It would have been nice if I had been given the memo before lunch, but believe me, I got the memo after lunch. The gremlin is attacking my insides and making me pay dearly for that exceptionally tasty (and small) portion of General TSO chicken and rice.

It is going to kill me waiting for my doctors appointments. I see the nurse on Oct 30th and then the doctor on Nov. 4th. And yes they still want to wait that long to see me even with my history. Hopefully on the 4th we can talk about a date for my cerclage. The sooner the better in my opinion! I want to hear a heartbeat and see ultrasounds! Hey- that is one small bright side to being a high risk pregnancy- I should get lots and lots of ultrasound pictures of this gremlin.

Thought for today...

You can be too informed. I have spent a lot of time surfing the web and reading up on cerclages, incompetent cervix, and the like. What conclusion have I come to? My freakin head hurts and now my stomach is upset thinking about everything I have read. I like living with my head in the sand. I will continue to act as if nothing is wrong until my doctor tells me something is wrong. When I go for my cerclage- I will get whatever type he thinks is best and do whatever he tells me to do. There is absolutely no reason for me to read all of these other sad stories about the bad things that have happened to other people. I feel horrible when I read these stories! I am in no way shape or form trying to lessen the importance of these people's loss- but for my own sanity- I can't read that stuff anymore! Here I thought I would be doing something good, by informing myself. Nope! I can't deal with it all.

I am officially 7 weeks pregnant today. That means at least 30 more to go. I will be positive and fully expect to carry this peanut to term. I will hopefully be so uncomfortable and miserable that I am unable to sleep or sit for long periods of time. I hope my stretch marks beat all others and this kid gets so large it kicks the snot out of my ribs. I missed all that the first time, I am welcoming it with open arms this time.

On the bright side- we called Grandma and Grandpa Bruce this weekend and Gunner got to share his news! Grandpa made him repeat himself about 4 times- luckily Gunner cooperated and didn't refuse to keep saying "my mommy has a baby in her belly" Grandpa Bruce is going in for some tests today so we will have to call and find out how he is!

A little more info

For those who actually read what I put up here. Yes we are expecting our next child. I am not very far along, only 6 weeks. My due date is May 25th, Memorial Day! Around 14 weeks my doctor will do a cerclage (sew my cervix shut) and other than not being able to lift anything over 20 lbs I should hopefully be able to continue with a fairly normal lifestyle. There will be no sex- but that is a small price to pay for a healthy baby. Gary is ok with it, or he is ok with the idea of it. It may present more of a challenge later!

We will not be finding out the sex of this child. We didn't with Gunner even though we had numerous chances to. We also will not be sharing our ideas for names. Sorry, don't mean to offend anyone but the last pregnancy I was put off by a pregnant friend who had chosen a girls name VERY similar to one I was in love with. So, if no one knows, no one can steal my ideas and I have no reason to be pissy about it. Solves that problem doesn't it? I will tell you while the name will not be completely ordinary, it won't be bizare either. Don't expect a Jacob or Emily, or Apple or Phinneus for that matter. It will have to be a little different since Gunner isn't exactly ordinary.

Gunner is extremely happy! He has been asking for a brother or sister for over a year. He also has told me without no hesitation that I am going to have two babies. I am hoping that is just his little immagination as opposed to a sign of the future. He asks me everyday how my belly is and how his baby is. He also realizes that pretty soon Mommy won't be able to carry him anymore. We also are using a guilt trip to try and get him to stay dry all night. We have told him he needs to be a big boy and go potty at night so we don't have to buy pullups anymore. We told him when we stop buying pullups we can start buying diapers for his brother or sister.

His rationale is instead he will just get another job to pay for his pull ups. In case you didn't know he works several jobs already. He hauls milk (what daddy used to do part time), he hauls for the amish (papa), he drives Conways (where daddy works) and he also works construction (uncle tim). How does he have time for all this? I am not sure. I also am not sure why he insists that he has jobs. I guess it goes back to explaining to him why daddy and mommy have to work. We told him that we have to work so we can pay for food and toys. Now he works to pay for food and toys also. He also has some wonderful hunting stories. Did you know that when Gunner was his dads age he hunted bear in alaska? That is what he tells us anyways. In those words.

Lots of change is on the horizon for all of us. Hopefully it will all be good or at least we will be able to sail through most of it unscathed.