Happy Monday all. Today was a bit different than I thought it would be. Yesterday I had every intention of calling the doc today to see if they could get me in. Weekends are rough. This past weekend was horrible. I had quite a bit of cramping and my bp was through the roof for the majority of the weekend. I could blame it on Gary and Gunner- they are enough to raise anyones blood pressure. I think it is mainly because of all the activity and the lack of peace and quiet. I also am up quite a bit more when everyone is home. This morning I felt better and even after taking Gunner to preschool my blood pressure was ok. After a nice long morning snooze my blood pressure was 123/78. So I decided to just hang out since I do have an appointment on Wednesday anyways.
This week isn't so good for a baby anyways- my nephew Trevor's Birthday is Wednesday and we are having dinner at mom's house for him on Thursday. I do think Friday would be an ok day. 4/24 sounds like a good date, goes with 7/27. Plus my personal nurse is working on Friday anyways. Part of me wants to throw in the towel and have this baby right away. The other part of me thinks- damn, I've made it this long, I might as well go all the way. It's hard to admit how lousy I feel. Especially since I have been one who was rubbed the wrong way quite easily by complaining pregnant women in the past. I guess if you took the context of the situations into consideration- I still have a right to be pissy about several of the conversations and comments made in the past.
Last week nothing major happened either. I spent the whole week laying very low since the bp issues started good friday. Of course Easter weekend was rough- Saturday we did Easter with Nana and Papa which included dinner and an Easter egg hunt. Not a lot of rest for me. Then on Sunday we had dinner with Gary's parents. I tried to rest till dinner time but between getting up early with Gunner so we could find eggs and his basket then him running in and out of the house, not much rest was gotten that day either.
Once Monday the 13th rolled around, I was in bed and out of commission for the whole week trying my best to keep the bp down and avoid a hospital stay. All week long my bp numbers were good until late evening when the Gman gets delivered back to me. Early Wednesday morning (april 15th) I had a couple hours of intensive cramping. I was planning on calling the doc that morning also but the cramping subsided and I felt ok afterwards. I am thinking part of it may have been a bit psychological since Julie (Billy's wife) predicted April 15th as a due date. Luckily she was wrong. Then again a weekend hit and I was miserable. I'm not sure how many more weekends I can get through at this rate.
I'm getting to the point of pondering everything. I keep thinking about the upcoming changes. I worry about the delivery (pain! since 2lb 10 oz was a breeze) I worry about how Gunner will react, I worry about the names we have picked, and how we are going to cope with another child in our family. I have a hard time imagining how I will be able to love someone the way I do Gunner. I had the same issues with Gunner. I didn't really bond with him while he was inside- it was this abstract idea of a child, then he was here and BAM! I was in love. It is kind of the same with this one. I have a life growing inside me, a child Gary and I created, and I feel weird even talking to it. My mom talks to my stomach all the time. I hate people touching my belly, yet I can't quite get over touching my belly myself. It's weird. I get terribly upset at the thought of something happening to this baby, but one of the first thoughts on my mind is how would Gunner react? Then I think about how would I react. Is this normal? I know I would survive, because I have Gunner. And then I feel guilty, shouldn't I be more attached to this baby? Maybe I distance myself to avoid the possibility of heartache? Maybe I need to up the dose of my happy pills now...
I think I have way too much time on my hands. I just lay in bed and stare at the ceiling and think. It sucks. I think way too much. I have this vision of the delivery planned out. Gary and I only- then we will let Gunner in next to meet the baby. He would be out in the waiting room with my parents. That is unless we are welcoming this kid in the middle of the night. I can invision the look on his face and the smiles. I can play it all out in my head and then I think about what if it doesn't go that way- and it pisses me off. Something that unpredictable shouldn't be able to upset me so, but it does. There are certain people I would rather not even see that day, yet I will have to. The thought of having to be nice also makes me mad. I used to think about how I would look at work to all the students waddling around the halls. That didn't pan out either. Maybe it is because I can plan nothing when it comes to pregnancy that I get so frustrated. Maybe it is because of all the curves we have been thrown in our personal lives lately. Maybe it's just because you can't plan or predict life- only God knows what is going to happen. Maybe if I just gave up trying to plan and just went on faith. So many maybes.
That is enough rambling for now I guess... Hope everyone has a good week.
I will update everyone after my doctor appointment later this week.
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